A Case of Badluck
by Veggie's Girl4
Summary: What do you get with 20 bottles of perfidious champagne and one irritable Saiya-jin? One BIG case of bad luck. Just what happens to Vegeta? ::evil smirk:: Read and find out. Please R&R! Thanks!!


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Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z, though I do wish I owned Vegeta! ::goes off into a daydream::  
  
  
  
  
  
A Case of Bad Luck  
  
By: Veggie's Girl  
  
  
  
"Uhhhhhh...", moaned Vegeta. He had a terrible hangover. Normally this wouldn't be happening to a Saiyan, let alone the Saiya-jin Prince, but he had drunk 20 bottles of perfidious champagne the previous night. The amount that could damn near kill a human had left a throbbing headache as a present to the alien. Alcohol had other strange effects on Saiyans. It left them clumsy for quite a while. actually a bad case of bad luck, you could say. Vegeta sat up, rubbed his temples and got out of bed onto his left foot.  
  
"Shit", he grumbled, easily influenced by the blue-haired vixen he was living with and her pathetic superstitions. He went to the bathroom to take a shower, tripping over his armour (which he had thrown on the floor after his training the previous day), a solitary shoe and the telephone cord in the process. He cursed each time, slowly realizing he was under the "spell" of alcohol.  
  
During his wash he jabbed himself in the back of the throat with his toothbrush, banged his knee on the edge of the bathtub, and despite his shortness managed to smash his head on the shower-head.   
  
"This is going to be one stinkin' day", he mumbled to himself. Once dresses and downstairs, the Saiyan rubbed a toe he had stubbed on the wall ("How the hell did I manage to do that?", he thought to himself). At breakfast, fearing the worst, he ate slowly and carefully. Despite his great caution he choked twice on his bacon and eggs, got maple syrup in his hair and exhaled milk through his nose when he was told that what he had taken to be apple juice was actually Dr. Briefs' urinal sample for that afternoon's doctor's analysis. (Vegeta hadn't actually tasted the "apple juice" as he had taken it down in one swallow.)  
  
"FUCKING SHIT!", he screamed, powering up and flying off towards the Gravity Machine.  
  
"Wait. Maybe I shouldn't go there today. it could end up very bad."  
  
He decided to stay away from anything that could bring him any kind of misfortune. That meant he would have to disappear entirely off the face of the Earth. hell, even stop existing actually, so he just became extra careful. This unfortunately was easier said that done, and did not bring the expected results.  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
"Vegeta", called Bulma. "Goku and his family are coming over today!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOO!", was the despaired wail she got in return for her announcement.  
  
"What crawled up his ass and died?", thought Bulma to herself.  
  
"I gotta stay up here and hide. but where?", thought Vegeta as he desperately searched for a place to hide. The room seemed devoid of any kind of hiding place until his frantic gaze fell upon the large wardrobe standing in a corner.  
  
"A-ha! That'll do!" And he immediately went at the task of blasting a hole in the wall behind the large piece of furniture. (A/N: Thought he'd hide inside the wardrobe? He's not that stupid!)  
  
"There, nice and ready." He gathered up some snacks and water and entered the hole, preparing to wait off the unwanted visitors.  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
45 minutes and a boring wait later, the muffled sound of a doorbell reached Vegeta's sensitive ears.  
  
"They're here", thought a very downhearted Vegeta. "Wonder how long I'll have to sit here. Hope they don't come looking for m-"  
  
"Vegeta, where the hell are you?!", yelled Bulma, quite irritated.  
  
"Yeah, where are you, Vegeta? Don't you wanna see your buddy?", called Goku, perplexed at the disappearance of his friend. The only one who didn't seem to be bothered by the Saiyan's absence was Chi Chi, who was hoping for a quiet chat without the brute's presence.  
  
"Well, he was here a while ago. We'll just have to look for him." Bulma wasn't ready to let Vegeta get away with not seeing the guests. "We'll look in his room first. That's where I though I saw him go."  
  
Once there, they began a thorough search. Vegeta chuckled silently. "Those bakas will never find me!"  
  
"Found him!", yelled Goku, excited by his discovery. In one of the shows of his appalling stupidity he had looked under the wardrobe, which stood merely 10 cm off the ground.  
  
"Wha-? How?!", stammered Vegeta, thunderstruck.  
  
"Hee hee!", laughed Goku. "I can see your feet! You're a good hider. Now you count, and I'll hide!"  
  
"Shut up, you fucking bastard!" Vegeta was infuriated, and he pushed the wardrobe so hard that it tipped over and nearly crushed Chi Chi, who had come over to congratulate Goku on the find. Vegeta stepped over the upset piece of furniture and spat onto the carpet.  
  
"This is just fucking great." Not only did he have to entertain guests for the next few hours, he had a whopping headache to go with that.  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
".and Gohan said: 'I wanna go see Piccolo!', but I told him he wasn't to see that horrible green monster ever again!", Chi Chi rattled on. She had been talking for the past 2 hours, and Vegeta decided that if he ever got the chance, he'd add an amendment to the ones already in existence: "Any person by the name of Chi Chi is to be killed using a rusty spoon and sodden piece of wood." That ought to teach her a lesson. While Vegeta was playing around with any other new amendment that would allow to slowly and painfully torture Chi Chi to death, the talkative woman droned on.  
  
". and Goten came home, did his studies, though reluctantly, and then came out of the room and said: 'Trunks said his dad would take us to the video arcade this Satuday afternoon.'. So I said sure, though I'm not too sure about the person who's going to be accompanying them. but I guess Vegeta will protect them from any harm. It's such a kind gesture on his behalf." Chi Chi looked over at Vegeta and forced an expectant smile at him. What she had just said was slowly sinking in, and Vegeta's face was taking on a curious hue of red.  
  
"He said what?", Vegeta managed to hiss out through clenched teeth. "That I would take them to the video arcade?"  
  
"Uh, Vegeta? Um... I told Trunks that you'd take them.", said Bulma, sheepishly.  
  
"You did what?!", Vegeta turned on her, a vein pulsing uncontrollably on his forehead.  
  
"Well, it's all your fault! You promised Trunks you'd take him to the fair if he hit you while training, and you never did! Trunks was very disappointed! So I told him you'd take him and Goten to the video arcade. There's one open a few blocks from here, and it would do you good to spend some time with your son. Not training!", added Bulma, indignantly.  
  
"How dare you? You have no right to decide for me!", yelled Vegeta at her, barely able to control himself.  
  
"Listen buster. You'd better do what I say, or you will feel the consequences. And believe me, it will be worse that you could ever imagine." Bulma's voice had become cold and harsh, and Vegeta all but cringed away in fear.  
  
"O-okay. I-I'll take them. Just don't. um... do you want me to take them now?"  
  
"That would be marvelous, dear!", chirped Bulma, as if the whole scene had never taken place.  
  
"Ooooh, can I come too? I've never been to an arcade!" Goku could barely sit still. His face took on a look of sheer joy, and his eyes shone like those of a little boy in front of a toy-store window.  
  
"Of course you can!", answered Bulma and Chi Chi in unison.  
  
"This wasn't part of the plan!", protested Vegeta, but quickly stopped when both women looked at him with a look of pure rage in their eyes.  
  
"Whatever," murmured Vegeta under his nose.  
  
"That's much better." Bulma was obviously relieved that Vegeta would be taking their son to the video arcade, as she saw this as a form of quality time. She would have never been able to get the whole family to sit down for a chat in the living room.   
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
Vegeta was following Trunks, Goten and Goku at a distance, unable to suppress his contempt at their constant babbling. They talked about all the games they would play, had played and the games they wished to play, but which were not at the video arcade. Goku was especially getting on Vegeta's nerves with his constant "Oh goody, goody!" and jumping around everywhere.  
  
Once they were at the arcade, Vegeta gave money to Trunks, Goten and even Goku and then retreated safely to a dark corner of the offensively loud room. Everywhere he looked he could see colourful lights, screaming kids and large boxes that seemed to shine and move. Some were in the shape of motorcycles, others looked like coffins with buttons and glass windows. Suddenly, a child appeared in front of Vegeta and said: "Hey mister, who are you supposed to be? I've seen people dressed up kinda like you at Disneyworld, but I don't remember you from any movie. Are you that witch from Sleeping Beauty?"  
  
"Look, kid, you'll be doing a lot more'n sleeping if you don't get the hell away from me."  
  
The child burst into tears and ran away from him. It returned a few minutes later with a guard in tow. He was a well built macho, with a faint hint of stubble and smelling of the cheapest cologne available on the market.  
  
"Hey, you!" he pointed an accusing finger at the Saiyan. "I don't remember the boss hiring any witch or fairy. or whatever the hell you are. And what the hell do you think you're doing scaring little children? I ain't gonna allow none of that! Get outta this joint before I call the cops!"  
  
"After I'm done with you, all you'll be calling for is your mommy to come kiss you and make the pain go away", said Vegeta, unnaturally calm.  
  
"You tiny punk! You think you could do anything to me?", laughed the guy, unaware of the shit he was getting himself into. "You know what? I've got myself a right mind to put you out of your misery in the back alley. You could sure use some manners!"  
  
"Oh, by all means, please do so!", said Vegeta, visibly relishing the moment approaching.   
  
Once outside, Vegeta smashed a fist into the macho's face and sent him through the wall of the opposite building. He walked to the back entrance of the arcade, smirking evilly at the screams coming from the apartment his "adversary" had landed in.  
  
Once inside he resumed his vigil in the dark corner. He noticed that Goku was having the time of his life by the air-hockey machine, sending the puck crashing through the table edge and into his opponent with every strong swipe he made.  
  
"Stupid git", thought Vegeta.  
  
"Hey there, handsome", he heard, and a hand grabbed his behind and gave it a strong squeeze. He whirled around and saw something that filled him with disgust. In front of him stood a 50 year-old hag, whorish make-up and all, wearing a see-through tank-top and a mini that left nothing to the imagination.  
  
"Ewwwwwww", he shuddered convulsively.  
  
"Oh, Ah'm sorry kid. Your hair made ya look taller 'n' Ah thought you were an adult."  
  
"For your information, you senile old wench, I am a full-grown adult with all the privileges that come with the title. And much more!", he spat, at the same time backing away from her.  
  
"Oh, is that so? Well, Ah lahk feisty little men!", she winked at him and tried to make a grab at him, this time from the front.  
  
"You bitch! How dare you?!", said Vegeta, seething. "Do you know that with sheer will-power alone I could blast this planet to smithereens, along with you on it? Get away from me, before I lose my temper."  
  
"Wow. Didja, lahk, run away from a crazy hospital or something?" She gave him a queer look and walked away quickly, in the process running her finger along Goku's butt, who she decided was a better catch that some lunatic. Goku however took no notice of her advances so she picked the teen with zits sitting in the window of the booth where you could get smaller change. Vegeta gave a sigh of relief and wondered when this horror would be over. He hadn't even finished asking himself this question when a kid running by him tripped and spilled a whole Large Coca Cola over the Saiyan.  
  
"Sorry mister!", yelled the kid over his shoulder, running off to join his friends, who were laughing at the expense of the wet and sticky man standing in the corner. Vegeta managed not to blast the whole group of kids and went off in search of a bathroom. What he found could have hardly been called a bathroom. It was more a walk-in broom closet with a clogged toilet in one corner and a washbasin and rusty faucet that looked like it had never been used in the other. He turned the handle marked "hot", but nothing happened. When he tried to turn on the cold water, the whole fittings fell off the wall and a fiercely strong current of thick, brown water gushed out and pinned him to the wall. He inhaled a third, swallowed another third and got yet another in his eyes before he managed to let out a startled cry. His strangles pleas for help were however deafened by the loud music and kids' screams of delight. Vegeta used all his strength to pull up a drenched hand and shot a ki blast at the pipe spurting the offensive substance at him.  
  
"That sure stopped the junk", said Vegeta, and began shaking off the slime. It was a grim task, as the sludge seemed to be at least 50 years old, looked that way and was probably crawling with every type of bacteria imaginable. Unfortunately what had sunk into his clothes wasn't going to come out, and Vegeta left the bathroom looking like a rag doll that had lain in a sewer for a few decades. The fact that his face was turning green didn't help at all.  
  
"Shiiiiiiit.", he moaned. " I must've swallowed more of that bacteria-infested water that I thought. Now I've got a headache and I feel nauseous."  
  
He returned to his corner, trying to avoid anyone's attention and hoping that nobody would bother him there. He wished he could go home, but he knew that if he ruined the brats' fun he'd be getting hell from both Bulma and Chi Chi. He sat down on the floor, hoping this would ease the pain in his stomach. It did, but not by much.  
  
All of a sudden, a snake slithered up to him.  
  
"Hello, Vegeta, the Sssssssssssaiya-jin Princccccccce", it hissed. "Niccccce to sssssssee you today."  
  
"What the-?" Vegeta was too surprised to swear.  
  
"Yessssss, yessssssss. I know. You've never met a talking sssssnake before. But there'ssssss alwayssss a firssssst time, right? Plussssssss, you're deliriousssss.", it continued.  
  
"Fuck off. I'm not in the mood.", answered Vegeta, ticked off by the insolence of the snake. How dare it bother him while he's suffering?  
  
Without warning, the snake sprouted four legs, went white and "donned" a layer of fluff. In front of the awestruck Vegeta now stood a rabbit.  
  
'Hey Vegeta", it squeaked. "You wanna pway wif me? Huh? Huh? Huh?"  
  
Vegeta, quite angry now, made a swap for the rabbit, intent on catching it by the throat and strangling it. The rabbit however jumped back and Vegeta missed.  
  
"So you wanna pway catch, huh? Huh? Awwight! I'll wun, and you twy and get me!" It started hopping away, and Vegeta got up, screaming: "You bastard! When I catch you, I'll shove a sausage down your throat and starving dogs up you butt!" (A/N: Got that from the Simpsons! ^_~)  
  
This cry attracted the attention of the people in the arcade. All they saw was a raving man running around the arcade, arms outstretched and mumbling under his nose.  
  
"Hey, Jack. Get a load of the weirdo over there. What's he doing, anyways?", said one kid to another.  
  
'I dunno. You know how sometimes kids have clowns at their birthday parties? Well, maybe this is kinda like that. You know, he's supposed to answertain us.", guessed Jack.  
  
"Yeah, probably. But he's not very funny. Lookit his hair. It's weird."  
  
"Uh-huh. Anyways, let's get back to the game." And so they did, until the first kid piped up: "And by the ways, it's not 'answertain', it's 'dentaltain'. You know, I think it's supposed to have something to do with the dentist, how moms always tell their kids the dentist is gonna be fun."   
  
"Yeah, I guess so." And they resumed turning back to the game, as did others, taking Vegeta for a child running around having fun.  
  
But an inquisitive mom stopped him and said: "Little boy, are you lost?"  
  
Vegeta looked up at her, but her features swam around and rearranged into a face that was all too familiar to him. Yamcha.  
  
"You bastard! You're probably in league with the snake. and the rabbit too! What the hell do the three of you want from me?", snarled Vegeta.  
  
"I want to help you", sneered Yamcha, and suddenly a tentacle grew out of his back and began entwining the Saiya-jin Prince's shoulder.  
  
"Get away, bastard!", screeched Vegeta. He was in no mood to be around Yamcha, and definitely did not feel up to the task of fighting him. The tentacle unwound from his shoulder and slapped him in the face.  
  
'How dare you speak like that to an elder, young man?" The curious mother was also furious. "Who taught you such awful manners???"  
  
But all Vegeta could hear was laughter. Frieza's laughter.  
  
"No!", he gasped. "It can't be!"  
  
He lifted his hand and shot a ki blast at the source of the voice. Fortunately his senses were deceiving him, and he missed the woman as well as anybody else. At that precise moment Trunks, Goten and Goku, who had noticed the commotion, threw themselves at Vegeta and pinned him to the ground. The Saiyan, feeling familiar energies around him relaxed and let his head fall to the ground in relief.  
  
"Kakarotto.", he gasped. "You gotta kill Frieza!" He was perspiring freely and the whole front of his shirt was drenched.  
  
"Uhhhh. yeah. I'll. uhhh. do that. Just as soon as we get you home and find out what's wrong with you." Goku smiled reassuringly, but that was not how he felt.  
  
Vegeta began giggling uncontrollably.  
  
"Yeah, you do that. But promise me you'll kill Frieza. He's over there", he added, pointing to the astonished woman.  
  
"Alright then, Vegeta", said Goku. He then whispered to the mother: "Uhh. sorry about this. He's just sick or something. No need to worry. Well get him home."  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
The four of them left the video arcade, with Goku hauling Vegeta over one shoulder. Vegeta was still giggling, but only because there was a little pink mouse sitting in Goku's hair telling him jokes.  
  
"An' ya wanna know why Kakarotto climbed over the glass wall?", it enquired.  
  
"Hee hee hee! Yeah, tellmetellmetellme!", squeled Vegeta in delight.  
  
"Cuz he wanted to see what was on the other side!" Both the mouse and Vegeta joined in insane peals of laughter.   
  
"Uh-ha-ha-ha. Oooohhhh." The mouse wiped a tear from its eye. "Anyways, I gotta go, but my friend will be here to take my place in just a sec." The mouse disappeared, and after an impatient, but quite short wait for Vegeta, a new creature appeared in Goku's hair. It was a miniature of Frieza. Vegeta however was not frightened of him, because the newcomer immediately set to dancing out a jig that caused the Saiyan to choke on his saliva, that's how hard he was laughing.  
  
"Uhhh. dad. Dad!", said Trunks, pulling on his father's pants.  
  
"Don't bother me now, son. I'm watching Frieza dance!", chided Vegeta.  
  
"This doesn't look good", said Goten, throwing a worried glance in his best friend's father's direction.  
  
"Yeah, I know. Especially the fact that Frieza's dancing. It just isn't like him", added Goku, perplexed.  
  
They were now at the capsule Corp., and once inside, Goku lay Vegeta on the couch.  
  
"What in the world happened to him?", yelled Bulma, astonished at what she say on the couch.  
  
"Well, we're. not sure." Goku put a hand behind his head and sweatdropped.  
  
"Well, I think the next time that quartet goes to the video arcade, it'll be Goku, Goten and Trunks taking care of Vegeta, not the other way around!", said Chi Chi, bowing her head in shame for the once proud Saiyan.   
  
  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
Reviews and e-mails always welcome (kotszok@polbox.com). Please, no flames. SPARE ME! You can also go check out my other fics.


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